Babies or Botox?

Random thoughts about motherhood from a woman who simply can't decide

🥤 Grab an iced drink and take three — your attention span will thank you.

Last week in our Reading Circle, we were talking about Women Who Run with the Wolves, specifically the Joyous Body: The Wild Flesh chapter. Taísa — with a three-month-old strapped to her — said something that stuck in my head:

“The patriarchy and media celebrate a non-fertile woman… then blame us for not having kids.”

Cue my brain spinning on my never-ending to be or not to be (a mom) question.

Then I remembered a headline about the Finnish baby box: apparently, demand is so low they’re giving out 2024 leftovers because, well, evil selfish women aren’t getting pregnant.

On top of that, I’d just read “The Unsolicited Advice I Wish I’d Gotten Before Having Kids” —

And since two of my close friends recently had babies — and my internal clock is ticking louder — I keep checking if my “no” will ever change. Everyone says, “If you’re in doubt, it’s a no.” So for now… It’s a no.

This is my story, and how I feel about the topic.
Biased and a bit dramatic, of course.

I stumbled on this photo of a woman wearing sunglasses to hide the postpartum face. No idea who she is.

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Where I’m at
I’m 37, married, living in Finland. My once-shiny tech career collapsed here, and I’m still building something new. My husband has a great job. And yes, I mention money first because it’s tattooed in my brain (thanks, Brazil) that kids are expensive. In big cities, good childcare and schools cost a fortune.

I’ve never done Botox, but I’m convinced babies would swallow my self-care budget, my hobbies, my personality, and my free time — replacing everything with the “joy of motherhood.” Or so I was told.

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Career or motherhood — pick one
Beautiful, successful, glowing women don’t carry babies unless they’re Rihanna or Beyoncé. I never believed you could have both. So when my career tanked in 2023, I felt like I’d failed twice.

During burnout, I even “missed” a child I never had — I texted a friend saying I was going to get pregnant because I was feeling this huge, inexplicable love. (Yes, I noticed the red flags.)

So now I have neither: no babies, no career, no Botox.

It reminded me of a conversation that still haunts me: