Dear Diary #5
Thoughts on saving battery and surviving social gatherings as an introverted person.
Dear Diary is a monthly newsletter for oversharing. I write mainly about my adaptation to Finland, relationships, and joy. I've got more questions than answers, though I believe newsletters are bewitched to connect people. That’s why I keep writing. Secretly, I think that friendship and joy are a safe exit from the patriarchal trap. If this email strikes a chord, feel free to reply. It inspires me to keep spilling the tea away.
Dear Diary,
Have I ever told you how much I sweat before every meeting I arranged for the Club? Sometimes, my husband goes with me to the tram stop to support me, reminding me that every meeting is always good, and so it will be. Luckily, 🤩 you know, every time I get back home, I am boosted with joy and full of new ideas. From a comfort zone perspective, hosting meetups is one of the farthest places I have been. At some point, I thought it would heal my minor level of social awkwardness, but no, still here. I like to think of it as my uniqueness.
As an introvert, it doesn’t mean I am shy, though. I can communicate well and express myself. Starting a conversation doesn’t hurt. The problem is larger groups. Being around over ten people might suck all my energy. Please don’t judge me so hard — I deadly fear being disliked. It’s not that I want everyone to love me. I just have an internal voice that consistently tells me that people don’t like me. Maybe something from my past. Perhaps I was subtly told to play the evil sister as my sibling is the most adorable extroverted person I’ve ever known. Thank god we are best friends.
Overcoming this is a constant exercise in telling myself that no one cares this much and it’s okay if people don’t like me. I don’t love everyone, either. Maybe that’s why big parties take a lot of energy from me. If the evil voice whispers to my ear, I will use all my social battery to scan every word that comes out and check if I let people talk instead of stealing the topic to be on stage. It can happen. Can I blame my Leo rising? Are those thoughts wicked, or is it me just trying to be a better human? Anyways, it takes loads of energy.
I get your doubting face trying to understand why an introverted person could ever possibly start a community. Sounds stupid — or desperate. I actually feel super comfortable being solo — traveling, going to the movies, parks, swimming, saunas, concerts, and nightclubs — the risk of never finding people was imminent. I never wanted that, and I knew I had somehow to protect myself from my capability of being alone. Likewise, I love to be in a giggling girl squad. The sense of belonging is powerful.
But then, social battery —
How to save energy and survive social gatherings as an introverted person.
I used to think mine was like an old iPhone until I realized what sucks my energy in social gatherings. I learned it the best way: journaling. Writing down my feelings helps me gain perspective and understand situations better. To handle so many social gatherings as an introverted person, I needed to stop worrying and trust that being nice was sufficient.
It's all about having fun, after all! So, instead of spending energy worrying if everyone feels welcome, I look around and trust our fantastic community to greet new people. Well, it would probably be easier to have a clear schedule, but we like to keep things spontaneous. When we do have an agenda, it's more like a guide. Plus, I'm also a member (!), and sometimes I need a warm welcome, and that's precisely what I get. We are unapologetically friendly.
Other than that, I actively remind myself to relax because being a good person is enough—overthinking might spoil it. Also, I cannot control every detail in a culturally diverse environment. Fortunately, we have created a safe space for open-minded women. When in doubt, I listen. Staying silent is a way to go in a save-energy mode. I enjoy keeping my mouth shut and noticing how my thoughts come from someone else's mouth. It makes me feel super connected when that happens.
So, here I am, finding a balance between my introversion and my desire to connect. It is a journey of self-acceptance, embracing who I am, and trusting the incredible people around me. Step by step, excitement replaces anxiety. As I continue to navigate this path, I find comfort in knowing that it’s okay to be myself and that the connections I make, both big and small, make this experience so rewarding.
Until next time,
Tássia.
✨🐚 a message from the shell
