What's your friendship frequency?

Vibes & Values: A framework for intentional connection

🧃 Grab a drink and take five minutes. I have something to tell you.

Oh, hi. It’s me, Tass. This newsletter is an invitation for an unhinged conversation, the kind we could have over brunch or a glass of wine with friends who actually care. We don’t just talk, we meet in real life — scroll all the way to the bottom for all the Secret Club news.

I thought Secret Club would automatically bring me a perfect Sex and the City girl gang—a group of four to six amazing women who adore and support each other. We would brunch almost every Sunday, plot against patriarchy, blame capitalism, and go on a trip to Tokyo, or Italy, or the French Riviera. I would serve the creative, bubbly, crazy rich aunt vibe.

Bringing people together doesn’t mean helping them make meaningful connections (ouch!). I have been doing this for at least three years, believing that my writing would solve the small talk gap. Although it’s been really helpful, I can squeeze my brain juice and take us to the next level, even though I’m not a friendship specialist nor a psychologist. As a writer and a curious tester, I can read, overthink this topic, and ask you questions.

That’s actually how I learned two things: values & vibes. These two are the most important things to help people click. However, the match-making is suffering due to our lack of awareness, clarity, and reliance on casualness. We know we want friends and connections, right? But what kind are we looking for right now? After running the Vibe Lab with myself, I realized I’m not looking for besties, I’m looking for creative buddies. It’s my immediate need at the moment. Also important: it changes time after time.

So, how do we assess this information and shape moments with intention? I have an idea, and the name our community chose is Vibe Lab.

I remember feeling awful at a dinner with my husband’s colleagues. I sat there hoping no one would ask what I did for work, because I had quit my job due to burnout. In my mind, everyone else had a dream career, made great money, and had their life together.

I had no real intention of connecting with anyone, mostly because I didn’t even know what kind of connection I was looking for. What I probably needed was care, warmth, and closeness — the kind of comfort that’s hard to find in a room full of strangers where you feel expected to seem cool, accomplished, and put together.

The most embarrassing part, looking back, is that people were actually kind to me. No one judged me. I had no real reason to feel so ashamed, and yet I carried that feeling the entire evening.

Yes, intentions, babe.

Our intentions are the first thing we need to understand.
What kind of connection am I looking for today?

People can tune into many different channels and levels, but connection only happens when both sides are open to meeting on the same frequency. We don’t always need new people. Sometimes, we simply need to notice the ones who are ready to meet us where we are right now. This is the front door.

After that, we still need to notice how at ease we feel around people. Tuning into our body can save us a lot of time and frustration. Whenever I ignored the feeling that something was off and tried to rationalize why I dislike a person never paid off.

Beyond that instinct, we can also notice whether we feel safe enough to be open and vulnerable, or whether we feel triggered to perform, impress, or prove ourselves. The more self-conscious we are around someone, the more drained we’ll likely feel afterwards.

After vibes, come the values.

Again, we need to know what our values are so we can recognize our crew when we meet them. And values change, too. If you’re looking to build a network, you might value ambition or excellence most. If you’re simply looking for people to spend time with, spontaneity or ease may matter more.

Can you already see how powerful this awareness can be? Instead of forcing ourselves into spaces that drain us, we can intentionally choose the ones where our social needs are more likely to be met.

The cherry on top! 🍒

In our Vibe Lab, we’ll assess our vibes & values:

• vibes: ease in the body, emotional atmosphere, depth, social rhythm, and the kind of connection we’re craving.

  values: the qualities and behaviors that support and match our vibe.

Then, together, we’ll co-create rituals, sessions, prompts, and activities designed to bring out the kind of connection we actually want — and share the results with the community.

Our Vibe Lab will be in this perfect space 🍑 Peachy Studios

❋ Secret Vibe Lab — Saturday, May 9 🫧 A session where we’ll co-create an experience for real connection using tarot, journaling, and our creativity as the starting point. Let’s cook some magic!

❋ Secret Book Club — Saturday, May 23, our book club returns. This time, we’re reading I Who Have Never Known Men and gathering at the coziest market in town for a delicious brunch. Expect brunch, coffee, gossip, bingo with surprises, and great conversations—guided by Carol Bonatto, a voracious reader and writer.

❋ Secret Retreat — Saturday, August 21—23 🌲 Our very first retreat is a playful, slow-living weekend designed for women who crave real connection, creativity, and a touch of magic. We’ll spend a weekend moving between quiet moments and shared experiences, morning rituals, lakeside swims, baking, firelight, sauna, laughter, and the kind of conversations that flow easily when you feel truly at ease.

❋ Community gatherings coming up: We are going to Linnanmäki on May 16th! Click below to join our WhatsApp group chat.